This is a little different from our normal content, but we wanted to take this opportunity to talk about something that has touched all of our lives here at Come to the Table….adoption. November is National Adoption Month and I wanted to use this blessing of this platform and talk about adoption for a moment. You see, Melissa and Brandi have adoption weaved through their stories and it is a part of who they are. For me however, this was something that is fairly new to me and I would love to share with you how adoption has blessed my family greatly!
Up until recently, my family had never dealt with something like infertility before. We have blended families, but never before have we dealt with the devastating reality of infertility. To be quite honest, I was a little naive to it. I would joke that my family dealt the opposite problem and it never even crossed my mind that pregnancy wouldn’t come easily to anyone in my family. I’m sure through this time, in my complete ignorance, I said things that probably hurt others who were struggling in silence. I was a part of the problem that feeds into the stigma of infertility and makes people feel like they have to keep their pain to themselves. And for all of that, I am deeply sorry.
My sister was one of those people. I know she and her husband walked a very lonely and hard road for years before any of us knew they were struggling. I am thankful for the people God placed in their lives that were open about their adoption stories and for organizations like the Wyoming Children’s Society that were able to be there for them through this time until they felt comfortable sharing with the rest of the family.
When they told us that they were looking at adoption as a way to grow their family, we were excited. But still, we had no clue what that journey would entail. The emotional rollercoaster of that year was intense and I watched my sister take it in stride. I watched her faith and confidence in the Lord grow and I watched her and her husband form a bond that grew stronger and stronger. They endured being chosen by a birth mother that ended with a premature birth and that baby not surviving. Months later, they were chosen again and that ended with the birth mother changing her mind. In the world of adoption, they call those “failed placements.” That doesn’t seem to encompass the emotion. It seems so impersonal. It doesn’t even come close to touching the grief they felt when that baby didn’t survive or the emotional paradox of being sad the birth mother changed her mind, but trusting the decision she made was one that was best for that child. Even though they never even met either of those children, it still hurt like a loss.
During this time, I felt all I could do was pray for my sister and her husband. I wasn’t sure of what to say. I was aware that because I never walked this path, I had nothing to speak into their journey…so prayer was all I had. God knew what they needed. I asked for His guidance of what and when to speak. Would me trying to be helpful actually hurt because of my ignorance to their emotions? Would being silent come off as indifference? God had to guide me and all I could come up with to say was, “We are going to see God work in ways that very few families have the opportunity to.”
I firmly believe that God gave me my children. He chose me to be pregnant with them and to give birth to them. But how many mothers get to experience that on a whole different level? My sister was chosen to be a mother as well…not just by God, but by a birth mother too! That almost has another level of affirmation that most women don’t get.
And when I say God worked in our family, you have no clue! The baby that was born prematurely and didn’t survive was supposed to be due around May of 2019. Also around May of 2019 another woman found out she was pregnant. She had personal things going on and wasn’t sure if she could care for this baby. She spent her pregnancy working with an adoption agency and looking through books put together by couples looking to adopt and in February of 2020, she went into labor and she chose a family. She chose my sister and her husband!
They received a phone call from their contact at Wyoming Children’s Society that they had once again been chosen. This mom was in labor and they needed to leave first thing in the morning to drive across the whole state of Wyoming to go meet their baby.
God knew what He was doing. He knew that this little baby was the one for my sister and her husband. He had other plans for those other two children, but His timing is perfect and He lined everything up perfectly…right down to opening up the main road they needed to travel on that had been closed, buried under feet of snow. At the end of February 2020, my sister and her husband became parents when they brought Taycee home. They made it official 6 months later and we couldn’t imagine our lives without this wild, sassy, beauitful little girl!
As we celebrate National Adoption Month, I want to encourage you to get involved. Whether it is to pray over families who are on their adoption journey, support a local adoption or family resource center or take the time to talk with an adopting family and learn more like I have. I am surprised at how many people have had adoption touch their lives once I started talking about my sister. Adoption is a beauitful gift!